Marriage, Tradition & Baby Mamas II

There’s this delightful church I attend in Warri that is quite hip. You know, they sing foreign songs, project the lyrics on screens etc. Praise sessions are like rock concerts. I’m not complaining mind you, I’m just painting a picture so you understand why the church is packed with young people; so as a result I’ve made a few friends.
One of those days one of the afore mentioned friend (a recently married lady) walked up to and asked me – out of the blue – “Why aren’t you married?”.
I’m not easily dumbfounded, anyone who knows me well knows it takes quite a lot to shock me into silence, so yeah I was dumbfounded. I won’t even tell you the things I called her in my head at that time, I’m not proud of some of the them.
“Uh, why do you ask?” I replied
“Well you have this look, like you should be married” she quipped with an annoying smile on her face.
Are you kidding me?! Are you bloody kidding me?! How on earth does one LOOK LIKE they should be married? I didn’t know whether to take it as a complement or a well meaning insult. Before this she had been periodically hitting me with potshots of these ridiculous questions whenever I saw her with her recently-married, recently-child-delivered friends. Needless to say I’ve been avoiding the chica ever since.
Another interesting story; I was recently told of a family member who was getting hitched and invited all my uncles and aunts to the wedding. Now my people are very “traditional”. I’m not. I don’t disregard it, I just grew up around too many traditions to really care, but that’s beside the point.
Summary is this, said family member already had a kid for the man she was getting married to. As soon as my uncles heard about it, all those who had considered re-working their schedules to be there promptly dumped the idea. I think the ceremony ended up having a lot more women in attendance than men.
Now why have I spent the bulk of today’s post on stories that touch? I just felt that a few examples will buttress the points I made in the first part of the series »
Tradition as I understand it has generally been built on moral grounds, not necessarily Biblical but moral all the same and though the 21st century is creeping in, most of our parents still hold the same values for good reason.
As for my lady friend’s ridiculous question(s), I’ve decided any such un-prompted ridiculous questions will necessitate a shocking reply.
I have also always wondered, if the father of your child decides not to marry you what happens? Its significantly more difficult to settle down with a guy when you’re a single mom from what I’ve seen. Its not us been bad guys, it’s just genetics. Males looking for a mate naturally like a fresh start, as little baggage as possible. Even with animals; if a male lion takes over a new pride, he runs off the old guy and kills off all the cubs he fathered to start afresh. You get the gist. But then again, as we all know there are exceptions.
Okay say you remain unmarried and are active in the dating pool; your kid then grows up used to seeing men in and out of the house; OR you do decide to just raise the kid on your own and remain solely single, then your kid gets only half the package because every child needs a father, not a sponsor, a father who’s there to talk the guy stuff, teach him things his mother wouldn’t.
In all these scenarios there’s a common thread, the kid(s) lose(s) out.
Well my soliloquy is complete. If I left out any interesting titbits please let me know @arielugorji and /or in the comment box below.
Ariel Ugorji


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