“Friends With Benefits”

I’m a big fan of the movie. I thought it was hilarious and instructional, I loved Timberlake’s performance all through and I think Mila Kunis is a pocket sized big brown eyed smoking hot dynamite. The movie shared the same themes with another favourite of mine “No Strings Attached” starring Natalie Portman ( another pocket size big brown eyed dynamite ) and Ashton Kutcher, that is: sex with no emotional commitments, no attachments, no strings, no baggage, no expectations, yada yada yada, just wham! Bam! Thank you ma’am and you’re both good to go.
Now as with most ingenious human innovations the concept is fun, especially if you’re in the friend zone and you’re cool with it. I mean who in their heart of hearts and I’m looking at you “christians” too ( Yes you!) wouldn’t at least entertain the idea of having sex with that smoking hot friend of ours without all the drama (Ugh!) of being in a relationship? I’m not even going to lie, it has crossed my mind. Once. That’s it, don’t you all go be thinking I’m one dirty minded brother alright? I’m human.
Now as I was saying, the concept AND the execution is fun, in the beginning, but it’s flawed for a couple of reasons and you can bet your ass I’m going to bring the Bible into this conversation.

Before I go any further let me say this; this gist is for the straight folks, if your inclinations are not to the opposite sex, I got nothing to say to you, this ain’t your lane and you need the entire host of Heaven; God, Jesus,The Holy Spirit, Michael, Gabriel, Uriel, Raphael and all the other angels on your case. Pronto.

Now first of all, as long as sex is involved there will ALWAYS be ALL kinds of strings attached, you may not feel them tugging at you now but as long as you both have done and/or are still doing it, believe me they are there. Physical, spiritual, emotional. Even if you did it once, with a hooker, it’s there, there’s a connection.

The thing is this, sex isn’t just rolling in the sheets and having hormone fuelled, sweat inducing, back breaking, tension easing, fun as the movies have made us believe nor is it just for reproducing young; its deeper than that. After marriage ( notice I said AFTER ) it’s the one thing that makes a man and a woman one. Singular.
In 1 Cor 6:16, Paul tells us explicitly when you’re joined with some one in the flesh ( I don’t know anything that is more “joining” than sex), you become one with that person, whether he/she be a hooker, friend, baby mama, baby daddy, your husband or your wife. So before you have that one night stand you think about that for a minute. You don’t know him/her from Adam and you’re about to go down there? Even if you did know them, you don’t go around just kissing anybody do you? or telling any tom, dick and harry on the street “I love you” do you?
If you don’t do that how come “casual sex” comes so easily? Ain’t nothing casual about sex.

Genesis 2:24 tells of a man leaving his house and clinging to his WIFE ( emphasis on wife ) and they shall become ONE flesh. Some of y’all are going to tell me that’s the old testament, that’s a load of bull; homosexuality was disgusting to God in the old testament, was still disgusting to God in the new testament ( Romans 1:26 ) and still disgusts God till today, He doesn’t change with the times.

Now I’ve given it to you from the Bible, let me say what I think. I think y’all will agree with me when I say, you can only have sex with someone long enough before something changes, expectations change. Hell, even the morning after a one night stand is awkward, talk less of doing it with your friend. Over and over again. It may be awkward at first and then you get used to it, but wait for it. Soon it’ll get weird.

Ok so you both have rules on how your “arrangement” works right? Right. That’s bull****. I know it, you know it. Your whole “arrangement” is breaking the bloody rules in the first place!
You’ve got rules like; you don’t make each other your emergency contact, you don’t go on dates nor allow yourselves to be found in situations that can be misconstrued as dates, no PDAs ( public displays of affection ), non-exclusivity ( each can still date other people ), no meeting the parents, most importantly do not fall in love, etc.
Maybe you can both abide by these rules, maybe you can make it work and yes there are people who do but only for so long. Sex is a way too intimate “benefit” for it not to affect things.
You could very well ruin the friendship which would suck because I don’t know about you but a friend I would want to have sex with ( I’m just saying ) has got to be pretty damn special. ( I place sex on a very VERY high pedestal. Heavenly even ). And if she were that special I might as well go all the way and do it the right way right? Put a ring on that chica’s finger.
Or supposing you’re both non exclusive, and one or both of you imports one of the many exotic STDs out there without even knowing it. Then in your next “session” you both “exchange” these gifts in the spirit of “friendship” because, ironically, you both actually trust each other right?
Or God forbid, the lady in this equation gets pregnant, its rare but the important news here is that it HAPPENS. That’s one hell of a “benefit” you gave that lady. What then? You abort it? ( I ain’t even gonna start on that one ) you keep it?.
I’m spoiling the mood right? ruining the whole idea? Well that’s the point, because they don’t show you all that in the movies, the tv shows or the reality tv shows.
Everybody’s got friends with benefits. I have. I just keep sex out of it.
Cheers
Ariel Ugorji

Comments! Comments! Comments! Let me know what y’all think of my rant. Plug them in in the comment box below and/or hit me up on twitter @arielugorji

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2 responses to ““Friends With Benefits”

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