Christians can be annoying. Really incredibly annoying.
Well not all, just some of them. It’s one thing to be old school (I’m all for old school, I pride myself on being old school); it’s quite another to be just obstinate.
As soon as they hear a brother has a girlfriend, they jump into that deep blackhole of a conclusion that you are a fornicator. Now I have to start defending the relationship, or defining the intents and purposes of my heart. Pisses me the hell off.
Let me give you guys a brief background story so you get where I’m coming from.
There was this babe who used to work in the school I teach, she was what they call a “minder”, takes care of the babies, cleans up, stuff like that. Anyway she was hot, like smoking hot, Kim Kardashian (love her or hate her) hot. Curves in all the right places, pretty face, very friendly too. So I thought why not right?
Here’s where it gets embarrassingly funny; after a few weeks of self motivation, gathering all the courage and cajones (or balls if you didn’t get the spanish reference) I could gather, I try to you know, set the foundations with this girl.
This girl ran away.
I don’t mean she “turned me down expecting me to chase her” kind of run away. I mean she FLED, physically ran away, calling out as she ran “Teacher Emmanuel, I don’t know what you’re asking me o!”
I stood there feeling like I had sleep-walked to work stark naked with an erection and someone had woken me up in front of the kids, I’ve never been so humiliated in my entire life. Chalk up another one for warri girls.
But a brother’s got to move on right? Right. I did, moved on like nothing happened. Then like a month plus later I’m driving back to work from an official assignment with one of the administrators who’s also a family friend and out of the blue he asks me “Did you ever tell Juliet you wanted her to be your girlfriend?”
I almost hit the vehicle in front of me. I suddenly found out I couldn’t talk and drive, multitasking became difficult. You see, if it was another person who asked this question I would have straight up said yes. But this guy is my boss and he has this antiquated opinion that boyfriends and girlfriends just fornicate, that it’s not possible for a guy to have a girlfriend who he’s not engaged to marry (very important to note this) and they aren’t humping around. So here I am in a position where I have to give an instant reply (because a delay is as good as saying yes) and still not lie.
So I told him, not really. I wanted to get to know her. Then he went on to insist “But did you like her?” I said yes I did, but I wasn’t going to ask her out without getting to know her. “Did you ask for her hand in marriage” HELL NO! Why the hell will I do that?!
Now I’m wondering how did he get to hear the story about the incident? turns out his fiance who’s also a teacher told him the story she heard from Juliet herself and the impression they got and were worried about was if Emmanuel is a true christian how can he be asking a girl to be his girlfriend?! Ugh!
At this point Juliet herself had left, gone to school.
This isn’t the first time. I remember having to give an impromptu seminar to my parents on my generation’s approach to relationships. How it is ACTUALLY NORMAL to date, get to know a girl before dropping on the knee. How there are actually genuine CHRISTIAN “boyfriends and girlfriends” who are in relationships without sleeping with each other. How you can actually be with a girl AND NOT marry her eventually.
Maybe it’s my generation’s fault; with all the choristers and choirmasters who are routinely found out in sexual relationships, the christian youth leaders and prayer band leaders who are in illicit relationships with their members, etc. Maybe.
It’s gotten me up to here and I’m fed up with it. This reminds me of an incident in my NYSC where I had the whole pharmacy looking at me funny because I came in to buy female contraceptives. Ok that was weird, but still I don’t think it was anybody’s business.
If there are any older folks reading this, let me conclude by saying this; until I propose to a girl I’m in a relationship with, she’s my girlfriend and it also doesn’t mean I spend my days between her legs. And me being in a relationship doesn’t automatically mean I WILL marry her.
The road from girlfriend to fiance is quite long. And between fiance and wife, there’s a few more toll booths to cross.
It’s @arielugorji. Hit me up
posted by Ariel Ugorji