Today’s talk is for the fellas, ladies I will get to you next week, please be patient.
Love and Lust are very different. I mean very, VERY different.
But they both share one striking property; their unerring unrivalled ability to annihilate and obliterate the normal functioning of the human brain. Whether it be male or female.
I saw a quote once that went thus “You know that tingling feeling you get when you see someone you like? That’s common sense leaving your body”
When these two take over a human mind the first three things to leave the building are Logic, Reasoning, and Common Sense. Other things follow but they usually depend on the departure of what I will call the Trinity.
It usually then becomes the responsibility of those AROUND the individual to provide him/her, the services of the Trinity to ensure he/she doesn’t drive gleefully off a cliff.
Having thus laid the foundation I think the topic of my soliloquy today is beginning to make some sense right about now isn’t it?
Now unto “The Mugu” or “The Magha” as the case may be; I’m pretty sure we’re all familiar with these terms by now but for my readers who aren’t, a mugu is quite simply a fool who falls for a scam. Harsh, maybe but true nonetheless. In hustler terms, a mark, or a target.
Every day I come across stories of men who had been squeezed dry by ladies who they thought loved them and this topic has been well examined, in songs (check Kanye West’s Gold-Digger), movies, TV shows and just about every other form of pop culture out there so I’m not going to bother with all that.
I recall a conversation I had with some friends back in the university that no guy is ever really a mugu, that it’s just a situation of the man getting what he wants from the relationship and the woman getting her “compensation” and while it makes sense on some level I don’t completely agree. In my opinion, said guy simply doesn’t know he’s a mugu, yet, eventually it’ll sink in. Why? I’ll explain in the next few paragraphs.
In my 1st year in the University I heard the story of a guy who bought a brand new laptop for his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day after which she promptly broke up with the poor sap. Reactions ranged from outrage to hilarious laughter at the boy’s “maghaness”. I knew for sure that if that was me, I was retrieving my laptop back, by hook or by crook, screw pride and dignity. This was a time when even the most basic laptops were upwards of a hundred thousand bucks and a girl thinks she can just collect that and break up with me the next day?! Hell no!
That is a classic albeit tame example of the Trinity being thrown out the front door because “love” has moved in, I’m sure we’re all familiar with far more sobering examples.
I must admit I have always viewed this phenomenon with detached amusement because I promised myself to never ever get into such an emotional situation, but over the last few months, personal experience has forced me to realise that the disease of maghaness is the sneakiest ever. Quote me anywhere.
I can assure you that most boys do not even realise when they became the mugus in the relationship. Your friends will very likely know but you sure as hell won’t. It usually takes a Heavenly inspired epiphany, an earth-shattering revelation, an actual physical intervention by friends and/or family or in some cases a pretty decent slap in the face.
There’s two reasons why it’s difficult to figure out; One, males generally derive satisfaction from “doing for” or “giving” etc. to their partners (except those really stingy ones). The way you feel when you receive gifts from your boyfriend or husband as the case may be is about the same way he feels when he sees your face light up on receiving it, so he may not even feel exploited.
Two, real love is actually composed of the Trinity (Logic, Reasoning and Common Sense). You remember that tingly feeling we talked about earlier? You remember it is common sense leaving your body right? Yeah, that’s also right about the same time you become a magha or mugu. It may not instantly manifest. Think about it as an emotional variant of HIV. It gets in and then goes about quietly destroying all the defences that would have ordinarily, prevented you from diving headlong into that relationship. When its work is done in secret you become a chump in the open.
I’ve never believed in the popular notions of love as being “crazy”, “wild”, “unplanned”, “spontaneous” etc. There’s one word to describe all of that. Hormones. And we all have them, the good Lord ensured our bodies produce them in decent amounts and in record time too. But the same brain that oversees the production of said hormones is in charge of higher functions too.
There’s a reason why there’s a natural predisposition to discuss your relationship with a close friend, even if you’re the very private type, because somewhere deep down, common sense is trying to break down the door that maghaness has locked to come into your head, through your seeking a third party point of view.
I have this friend, great guy, one of my best friends (he’s probably going to roast me if he reads this) who used to date this girl back in school. I didn’t like her vibe from the moment we met but I didn’t say anything because my boy seemed pretty happy, when they broke up about two years later myself and our other friends heaved a visible sigh of relief. I didn’t suffer so much as the other guys (who were also his roommates) who had to endure extended plays of James Blunt whenever this girl broke his heart (which happened so frequently you could almost predict the next event). In his case I think it took a combination of a heavenly inspired epiphany and intervention. It’s hilarious in hindsight now. Was he a mugu? I don’t know. Maybe.
The difficulty with being a magha is recognising that you have become one and then getting out of it. Even the good Book says “Love your neighbour as yourself” not “Love your neighbour more than yourself”.
So guys do me a favour because the sob stories have become, frankly, quite embarrassing. Sit your real friends down in a circle and ask them to tell you if you have transformed into a magha before their very eyes. Relationships usually change people, that’s a given, but you need to know that this one hasn’t changed you for the worse.
Ladies, I will keep it real with y’all in the next post
posted by Ariel Ugorji