I recently discovered that I’m at that point in most young men’s lives when we begin to have an alarming number of married friends. In the last 2 years alone for me, that figure has risen considerably. I have to admit it’s been a bit difficult to adjust to.
But today’s post isn’t about me whining about my increasingly uncomfortable bachelorhood, instead having watched couples and marriages for years I thought I should discuss some of my observations from a bachelor’s point of view.
I was with a girlfriend (who’s married by the way) a few days ago and we discussed a lot of things, many of them personal but they highlighted observations I have made myself.
Ok, so let’s get right into it;
#BachelorLesson 1: Guys all that romantic ish you’re doing now that has her eating out the palm of your hands? Making you feel like you got game? Maintain at least 60% of it when you’re married. 100% is going to be almost impossible especially when life hits you in the gut, work is ageing you prematurely and you have a brood of kids you’re rearing. I’m probably going to get roasted for saying 60%, but I think that’s fair. Ok 70%. A guy who can pull 70% off should be applauded. Please note that I’m assuming you’re a romantic guy in the first place.
#BachelorLesson 2: For the love of all things holy please learn how to cook. In my house my ma made sure I learnt how to cook, not just the basics (you know, eba, rice and stew) but some of the other more complicated dishes too. I’m probably one of the few guys in Nigeria who actually enjoys cooking his own food.  Apart from the fact that it has made me a tiny bit of a control freak in the kitchen, it’s further reinforced my independence. Plus in my experience it’s won me points with the ladies when they know I can cook.
You remember all that romantic nonsense I talked about earlier? Cooking for your wife is one of them. Ladies go ape nuts over displays of affection like that.
#BachelorLessons 3:  This is needless to say really but I thought I should add it all the same. Your babe now that looks like Agbani Darego isn’t going to continue looking like that. In fact she might not even continue looking like that after her first pregnancy. The sooner you prepare yourself for that eventuality the better.
The second part of this lesson is continually reminding your woman that you love her. Keep saying it. No matter how many times you say it she wants to keep hearing it, that’s one thing about ladies I’ve not been able to wrap my mind around. They never get tired of hearing it. Oh and be creative about it too.
#BachelorLessons 4:  Dear married people, this is for you. I’m very happy for you that you’ve found your soul mate and the love of your life and he/she is crazy enough to want to settle down with you for the rest of both your lives. Really I am. But I need you to understand that because you’re married doesn’t mean I want to get set up on dates nor am I in a particular rush to be like you. The questions about every girl you see me in a picture with or every girl I’m talking to on the phone are particularly annoying. You’re happy, I’m happy. I don’t have to be in your shoes to be as miserably happy as you are. The only people in my life allowed to harass me subtly and overtly about such matters at this point are my parents. Which leads me to lesson 5.
#BachelorLessons 5: If you’re a bachelor with a decent amount of married friends like me, go get yourself an even higher amount of unmarried friends. Except if you have really cool married friends, but let’s face it married people can generally be a pain in the ass so cool ones are really rare. But then again that’s just me.
#BachelorLessons 6: Now this one is personal but since it’s my blog and I’m not forcing you to read it I decided what the hell; I’m not having more kids than I can afford. That might sound weird or unafrican or even like a business transaction. But for all the beauty and amazeballsness (I know, I created the word myself) of kids, they are still a very sizeable investment. And I want the very best for them so I’m having the right amount that I can provide the very best for (in case you didn’t know, I’m an economist. I think like this a lot).
Does this sound naïve? Maybe. I’ve had people tell me I can’t control what happens. Maybe. But you can be damn sure I’m going to try.
#BachelorLessons 7:  With the very rare exception, especially with the opposite sex. Having a married bestie sucks major ass. Plus it could be quite risky. You learn pretty quickly that your private ish isn’t private with him/her when they’re married. Also needless to say, those days when you could randomly call your friend at ridiculous hours to talk ridiculous things are pretty much gone. Another reason why you should go out and get yourself some single/unmarried friends.
I feel like I should continue, but there’s a post for the ladies that I haven’t done yet. Remember? The one I said I’d do after the Maga post? Yeah I haven’t forgotten. I’ll do that and then get back to this. I promise.
So my dear bachelors, if you’ve got some #BachelorLessons of your own hit me up @arielugorji or put them in the comments box below and I’ll feature the juicy ones in the next post.
Till then, have fun

posted by Ariel Ugorji


One response to “#BachelorLessons

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