I was going to title this “Rape: When She (or He) says no” then I came across the picture you see above and I figured this was better.
I woke up this morning to a lot of rape talk on my twitter timeline. And I thought “Uh Oh, here we go again!”
You can imagine the general atmosphere, people were vexed and as is wont, my generation was taking out its frustrations on social media.
Even right now I haven’t been able to get to the bottom of the gist but what I can piece together is the whole thing seems to stem from a report of a 20 year old UNICAL Law student who was raped by her lecturer.
Then it grew legs. It became an issue of what provokes rape, what is rape, who rapists are and even what constitutes consent. But then such sensitive issues usually unfold like this. Share a story that is remotely homosexual in connotation and watch it evolve like Optimus Prime from Transformers.
As you can imagine I had my own 2 pence to contribute. But before I get into that let me reiterate something;
Rape is abhorrent and inexcusable (big English I know, but it’s either I use them or I just shake my head in disgust). Really, it’s the most intimate form of violation anybody (Notice I said anybody, guys get raped too, more on that later) can suffer, and in my opinion rapists should be treated like serial killers, and child molesters, and Boko Haram terrorists and…..corrupt politicians. How should they be treated? I can’t type that here, even if it’s my own blog. I have a very fertile imagination that scares even me sometimes so y’all don’t want to hear the thoughts I harbor towards such people.
That said, it seems there’s a basic misunderstanding of what Rape means. The Webster Dictionary defines it as: unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent.
Some of that definition is referring to statutory rape or sex with minors but that’s not what I’m concerned about. What all that long winding English is simply saying is “if she says no, stop .If you force it, you’re a rapist” simple.
That includes wives too. I know it sounds strange but yeah wives do get raped (I don’t know about husbands but I’m willing to believe it does happen. Solely based on the Efe & Jude cartoons I saw in The Guardian newspapers as a kid). You both belong to each other as husband and wife obviously, but there will be times when she’s not in the mood (or He’s not in the mood. Again I’m just throwing this out there) and when she (or He) says no, you stop. Simple. It may be hard, but that’s why it’s called self control. Self control and discipline are usually difficult.
As for the random rapists; I’m referring to those boys who use the girl’s dressing as an excuse, who assume that when she said no she was fronting,
who assume that because a girl likes you or you’ve been able to convince her to go on a few dates with your depraved ass you feel you’re entitled to some return on your investment. When she says no, stop.
If you were expecting some action based on the “3rd date” rule and you didn’t get any, move on. In accounting we call such phenomenon bad debts. They happen. The earth still spins. Don’t laugh, it’s not funny.
If things got hot and heavy and then at some point she changed her mind (because girls retain that wonderfully frustrating ability to change 360 at maximum altitude) you get up and either get into a cold shower or just go home. If she was fronting I’m sure you’d figure that out later on. But right now bite the bullet and stop.
If she likes you, it doesn’t mean she wants to sleep with you. She reserves the right to change her mind about you or about sleeping with you, and if for Pete’s sake things aren’t moving at the pace you want, that’s why people have side chicks (more on that later because I know some of you will jump on my back) or at the very worst (and this is for the degenerates) go to those who get paid to offer such services. Because you’re so horny you can’t keep it in your pants.
This is without even mentioning all those predators who occupy positions of authority that use sex as prerequisite to obtain anything. There’s a special place in Dante’s Inferno for such people.
Now for the women rapists, you didn’t think I forgot about that did you? Yes. Men do get raped by WOMEN. Not as often as women (and that’s probably because most people don’t believe it happens in the first place). It is possible for a man not to want to have sex at any point in time (I know it’s hard to wrap your minds around that, blame pop culture) but on the rare occasion that he doesn’t, please stop.
His body might respond, who am I kidding, in the right conditions his body will respond. It doesn’t mean he wants it. It’s an established scientific fact that the little guy down there is generally completely independent of all forms of control of the male brain.
And no, the male rape thing is not a myth. According to an article I came across in The Telegraph, an estimated 78000 are victims of rape every year of which around 9000 are thought to be men – this is in the UK where such things are reported now imagine the figures for Nigeria. Most were raped by other men, some by women too. Unfortunately they neither get the attention nor the support that female victims get.
Let me end my long rant with this. There’s a disturbing fact about rape, and that’s the fact that most of the victims who suffer rape are raped by someone they know. That alone throws that “indecent dressing” argument out the window.
So guys, please, I beg you; keep it in. Lord knows it can be hard sometimes (and I mean that metaphorically) and the little demons in your head will tell you she’s asking for it. She’s not. If she was I’m pretty sure you won’t need to force her (except if that’s her thing, another topic for another day).
posted by Ariel Ugorji